Improvising Song Submission Critique Example

Here's a critique of a student's recent (this morning!) submission for the first final homework assignment in Improvising Study 1. I thought you might like to see what the process is...

CH1 - The last note you play in the first and second line is one 2 draw. I
recommend that you play two 123 chords there (like you did in bars 3 and 7).
CH2 - Your fills are very nice in this chorus, but are using a large range
of the harmonica and stealing away the excitement of the higher end...
something I recommend for later in the song... don't give it to them yet...
build up to it as the song progresses.
CH3 - Play the 3' a bit lower on the IV Chord (it's the flat-7th of the IV
Chord)
CH4 - This is a great chorus and upon studying Improvising Study 2 you'll
most likely place it last in the body of your instrumental (Chorus 6)
CH5 - This should probably be Chorus 4
CH6 - This should probably be Chorus 5
CH7 - Head
CH8 - Nice chorus, but take it out... the head is the last thing we should
here

Overall comments:
1) You used a light (very major) jam track. Though I like your 3' you use it
a lot and it's a very dark/bluesy note. You may want to use it a bit less...
by the end of the song it felt over used.
2) The lick you use in the turnaround for Chorus 4 (3 2 2+ 2) could be
repeated over and over to lead into the next chorus instead of ending it
with the classic 1 draw... a perfect candidate for a buildup (more on this
in Improvising Study 6)
3) After the halfway point of your song I was yearning to hear a long-held
note... like the 5 draw in the 3rd Chorus of Little Walter's "Juke," something
to think about.

The next six studies will continue to help dial in your instrumental. Right
now it sounds very good... over time we'll make it sound great! I look
forward to hearing your next submission!